As we wrap up this series on Church and Ministry wounds, I hope you were encouraged and that you felt validated. Although some of us have been wounded much deeper than others and some of us will heal quicker than others, it is a painful journey none the less. It is also one that we shouldn’t do alone. If you are still struggling:
~Seek Christian counseling (I did…4 of them to be exact. Keep searching util you find the right fit). I don’t hide the fact that my wounds messed me up! Remember, I had to start over with John 3:16!
~Surround yourself with godly friends who will pray for you and remind you of Jesus’ redemptive work on the cross. Find the people who want you to be better not bitter.
~If you can do it, get into a healthy safe church as soon as possible (none are perfect). DO NOT get involved right away. Take your time. Heal. Be fed. Keep healing.
~Go back and listen to previous videos as often as you like!
The most important thing to remember is to fix your eyes on Jesus. As we make the decision to continue to trust God in the midst of our spiritual wounds, and we do our part in allowing God to heal us, we will eventually see the fruit. You WILL witness what God can do in your situation and through it. Take that satan!!
Today we will focus on the good news of Psalm 103, please take time to read the entire passage!
Verse 4 declares that God is the One “..who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion..“
When a king is crowned, he is a king. When God redeems us from the pit (valley of dry bones), He will crown us with love and compassion. Because of who God is and the power of His Holy Spirit in us, we are love and compassion. It is with that knowledge and power that we can love and pray for those who hurt us. We will also love those who are suffering like we have suffered. What if your “breath of life” (story of healing) revived someone else?
Have you felt cut off from the person or group that you were a part of? I love what is spoken to Ezekiel in verses 11 and 12:
‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel.
I pray God will lead you to your land. I pray He will show you where your church or ministry “home” is. I pray for a place where you feel loved, valued and appreciated. Somewhere where you are celebrated, not just tolerated. A place where your gifts and calling are recognized and encouraged. God CAN do it!
Our experiences and how we handle them aren’t just about us. We have learned in this series that others need us too. We can comfort and encourage those with the same comfort that God showed us (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). But if that is not important enough for you, what about your own family?
Psalm 103:17 says, “But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children…”
Don’t let the enemy keep you in a valley and change the direction of your family. Your decision to honor and believe God; to let Him heal you and teach you, will have an effect in the lives of your family for generations!
I trust that God breathed life into your crushed spirit through this series. Knowing that hurting people hurt people, knowing Jesus died for us all, please believe and confess with me:
GOD IS GOOD!
OK members of God’s vast army, it’s time to get marching!
One definition of “trigger” is something that causes something else to happen. Have you had something remind you of the person who hurt you? Have you heard a story about someone who suffered similar pain? Have you seen something on social media that brought back painful memories?
What do you do when you feel that you are healing or have been healed of a wound from another person, and suddenly that pain returns? What happens when you thought you have completely forgiven those who hurt you but all of a sudden the old pain comes back?
The enemy that prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) will try and rip open healing scabs. He will send fiery darts to make you feel the sting of pain. Sometimes we feel guilt and condemnation because we thought we were doing so good! Remember forgiveness comes before your feelings follow. It is a choice. But your response can empower you to move forward. Don’t let the enemy drag you back to that valley of dry bones!
I believe there are three things we can do when pain comes back. The first is in Philippians 4:8 , Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
As we focus on the positives in our lives and have a sense of gratitude for all the Lord has done,the effects of those triggers can weaken. Look at the people God may have surrounded you with when you were in spiritual pain. Those who encouraged you and pointed you back to God. Those who just sat and listened to you. Focus on the fact that you are more blessed than most on the planet if you have food and shelter. Jesus Himself is true, noble, right, pure, lovely…..you get the idea. Focus on Jesus.
The second thing we can do is look at the Apostle Paul. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 he describes how a thorn in his flesh was a messenger of Satan to torment him. Do triggers of you past torment you? However, he says it also kept him from being conceited. Although God would not remove the thorn (and we may never fully escape the pain we received at the hands of another believer) God’s grace is sufficient. When we are weak, He is strong. So consider that those triggers will remind you that God’s grace is enough. That as you focus on Him, you are not going to be dragged back to the valley of dry bones. Let it emphasize that you will not treat anyone the way you were treated. Without forgiveness that wound can keep you bitter, but with forgiveness you can remain humble.
Finally, the third thing to do is to use the triggers as prayer prompts. Any memory of the situation or people involved can give you the opportunity to pray for them. I think that as we pray for those who caused us pain the enemy is forced to recall our decision to forgive. Let’s just see then if the triggers will come fewer and farther between.
Focus on the good. God’s grace is sufficient. Pray.
Healing From Church Wounds: Who Goes First? ~ Part 2
In Healing From Church Wounds: Who Goes First? ~ Part 1, we discussed the biblical blueprint of how to handle a conflict when you have been offended. I encouraged you to seek God on the matter first and foremost. Many times our offenses can be handled just between us and the Lord. Sometimes we can pray and ask God to do that without us having any conversation about the situation. Yet, there are times when God is calling us to reach out and make amends. Even in those difficult times a relationship can actually get stronger.
However, the offended isn’t the only one who has a responsibility to be a peacemaker. What happens when we are the offender? Matthew 5:23 is clear. It says that if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that your brother (or sister) has something against you, leave your gift there in the front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift.
You see, it is not always the offended that must confront the offender. No follower of Jesus is “off the hook” when it comes to living at peace with one another (Romans 12:18). I prayed for a long time that my Father (in heaven) would move on one of my Christian “brother’s” heart and that he would come to me. You see, this involved leadership. Leaders will be held to a higher standard (see also this video blog). I began to realize that I would not have Matthew 5:23 extended to me from this leadership. Deep down for several years I had a “hunch” that God would make me be the one to move first. As I discussed in Part 1, God’s wisdom and timing are key. I can’t stress this enough. Every situation is different. What God asked me to do may not be what He would have you do. If what happened to me ever happens again, God may have me handle it different.
On one hand we should wait on God to confront an offender. We shouldn’t confront anyone in anger. That can make things much worse. On the other hand, we mustn’t wait to approach one we have offended. Nipping offense in the bud removes Satan’s power over the relationship. You may feel that your brother/sister in Christ is being overly sensitive. You may think you have done nothing wrong. God is asking you to be the bigger person and to live at peace with everyone.
I need to add that the other party’s response is not your responsibility. You may win them over and move on in a strengthened relationship. That is the goal. There are people who sadly may not want to deal with you. That is between them and God. As one wise pastor told me, God will honor your attempt to do what is biblical and right in His eyes. You do what God is asking of you and like Jesus did, entrust yourself to Him who judges justly.
The core of Christian living is to love someone as Christ loved you. It doesn’t matter if you have been wounded by church leader or if you have hurt someone over something you said without realizing it was hurtful. Allow God to use you to be loving and to seek peace. You will never be wrong in doing the right thing.
Can you extend the grace and peace of Christ to others as He has done for you?
Healing From Church Wounds: Who Goes First? ~ Part 1
Hopefully, as a Christ follower, you don’t like conflict. Most of us would rather avoid any confrontation as well. Because we are all human and at times emotions can run high, these situations are unavoidable.
What is the biblical blueprint for confrontation? How do we handle conflict and who should be the first person to “make a move” in reconciliation? The bible says in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” So who makes the first move to resolve a conflict?
Because you are the one reading this, I believe God is asking you to seek His heart in the matter. Ask Him if you are being overly sensitive or dramatic (yes there are those kinds of people). Do you know that people can hurt you without them ever realizing they have done so? Can you ask yourself if the person woke up that morning intentionally seeking to cause you pain? Usually that is not the case at all. Ask God if He will help you resolve the offence in your own heart and mind. Ask Him what He is showing you in this situation. What is He showing you about yourself and about the other person? Many times nothing more is needed and you don’t have to address the issue with the offender at all.
If that is not the case and the offense won’t dissipate, ask Him if you should address it with the one who hurt you. (It is possible that you will not be able to have a conversation with the offender due to various circumstances. You will need to continue to seek the Lord for His healing and deliverance. You may also need Christian counseling depending on the extent of the wound. That is OK!! Do whatever is biblically necessary to allow God to set you free. It is also important to note that not all relationships that have discussed a conflict can be reconciled. We live in a sin cursed world. God asks us to live at peace with one another and sometimes that means from afar.)
Matthew 18: 15-17 tells us that if your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens you have won him over. It goes on to tell us what to do if the person doesn’t listen. Please note that it is best to hear God very clearly on when to take these next steps should a person not listen to you. You need God’s wisdom and discernment on if and when to proceed! This should never be a witch hunt or a time to gossip and slander another to those around you. That actually says more about you than it does about them.
In John 10:27 says, “My sheep hear My voice, I know them and they follow Me.” It is pertinent that we seek the Lord, and wise counsel, if necessary, on how to proceed with these types of confrontations. We must hear God on this. And always, always, always speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
In “How to Forgive Part 1 and Part 2 I shared the Truth that there is an enemy who used someone to hurt you. I asked you to consider that that very same enemy will also try and use you, by causing you to remain in unforgiveness. However, as believers, we have the same power in us that raised Christ from the dead (Ephesians 1:19-20). Knowing that, what can’t we do?
We need to spur one another on (Hebrews 10:24). Therefore, I encourage you to take a look at your circumstance from an aerial viewpoint. See the enemy that is creating chaos in your relationships, accept the Truth that you are loved by God and realize that the Holy Spirit lives in you!
The third step in learning how to forgive is to act according to your Identity in Christ. I am thankful for the power of the Holy Spirit. I am also thankful that Isaiah 55:11 says God’s Word doesn’t return void. Sit back and listen as I pray over you who you really are in God’s eyes. You are not how someone made you feel, you are not what happened to you, and you certainly are not a heap of dry bones caused by a crushed spirit.
Father,
I pray that you would open the eyes of the hearts of those listening to your Word today. I pray that by the power of the Holy Spirit, Your Truth of who they are in Christ would penetrate their spirits, emotions, mind and hearts. I believe that Your love for them and the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for them will be the very breath that will breathe life into their dry bones.
Lord, I ask that You empower them to step out in faith. I pray that Your Holy Spirit would help them to make the decision to forgive. We praise You for Your grace and mercy that is never ending and always present. Thank You that even if we can’t feel it we can trust that You are with us.
We believe that You will complete the good work that You began in each of us. May we, from this day forward, not just know who we are in Christ, but may we live it.
You may wonder why it has taken so many sessions in the Healing From Church Wounds series to get to the topic of forgiveness. If you have been a Christian for longer than an hour, you already know how important forgiveness is. I wanted to build an environment that was safe for the hurting. I wanted to make you feel understood and empathized with. It is very easy to tell someone, “Oh, there are no perfect church/ministry, you just need to forgive and move on!”
I wish it were that simple.
When we are wounded by someone that God has entrusted our care to, it is spiritually, mentally and emotionally damaging. Depending on the depth of the relationship and the depth of the wound, it can be paralyzing. It can be harmful enough to leave you in the valley of dry bones.
I hope this series has helped you to focus your attention back on God. In my video, The Real Enemy, I discuss how our “enemy” is not the person who hurt us. The real enemy of our soul used that person to hurt us. It is the same enemy that wants your attention and your heart to turn away from God. This enemy wants you trapped in unforgiveness and bitterness. He wants you and I focused on what happened to us and not on what God can do in it. May I suggest that if you succumb to his tactics, you are no different then the one who hurt you. Both of you were pawns of the enemy’s schemes.
Jesus even warned Peter that he would fall prey to the enemy. If Peter, who walked with Jesus so closely was a target, why wouldn’t you be too? I love how Jesus says, “…but I have prayed that your faith may not fail.” Jesus is our intercessor too. He is praying that we too will not lose faith. He then challenges Peter, and us to then strengthen our brothers.
As Jesus said in Luke 23:34 ,”Father forgive them they know not what they do.” Can we say the same thing? If the wounder really knew God, feared Him and loved like Jesus, they would have not hurt you or they would seek your forgiveness to make things right.
Ask the Holy Spirit for a deeper revelation on forgiveness. Ask Him to help you (the Holy Spirit is our Helper) you make the decision to forgive. It may be a decision that you need to make quite often. You may not feel like it either. It doesn’t mean what happened is OK, it means you are positioning yourself in the will of God in this matter.
I challenge you to make this decision. Fight the real enemy by partnering with God. How? Forgive and bless those that have persecuted you by praying for them.
Romans 12:9-16 tells us that love must be sincere. It challenges us to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. That can be very difficult when we have been wounded by people who should understand the Word of God and what He expects of His children.
We need the Holy Spirit to give us the power to hate evil, yet love the person or people the enemy used to hurt us. It can also be very difficult in our own power to bless those that persecuted you just as it can be very easy to wish ill on them (curse them). Blessing them, though, is a form of spiritual warfare. How can you bless those that persecuted you? Pray for them.
We do need to be careful that if we pray for God to convict someone who has hurt us or we pray He gives them a deep revelation of their actions, that we ask God to do the same for us. You see, we can’t assume that we have the answers to another person’s actions. Only God knows their heart and only God knows ours. Do not assume that you know every detail of your wounding. Only God knows the entire and true story.
In the early part of my wounding, one of the verses that would come to mind was when Jesus said, “Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing…” (Luke 23:34). I repeated this often. I was desperate to “feel” forgiveness. There are times we need to forgive by faith because the feeling will take longer than we would like.
If we all truly understood the character of God, I believe we would not hurt people. Therefore whether you were hurt intentionally or unintentionally, the person/people who did it really did not know what they were doing. Can you forgive like Jesus did? We are called to in Colossians 3:13.
I had such a zeal for God and His church when I began my walk with Him. I hated that I lost that. To be honest, I was very resentful that a church killed that passion. I felt like a fool. Romans 12:11 encouraged me to allow my fervor and zeal to grow again. I hope it encourages you to never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord! Don’t let the real enemy win.
I pray that you would ask the Holy Spirit to help you to love with a sincere love, that you would ask for the strength to forgive whether you feel it or not and that you would pray for those who hurt you. I also pray that you would ask God to show you what He wants you to learn about Him and about yourself from your wounding. In addition, I ask God to fan the flame of the zeal that you once had for Him and His church.
When you are healed, you can then go out and truly have sincere love for others.
God is no respecter of persons (Romans 2:11) . I hope this story of how God encouraged me in a tangible way brings you hope. May it remind you of how God did something for you or show you that God can do something special for you too!
I was in a church environment that lacked a healthy dose of grace and love. The passion for the vision of the church (I talk about that here) overpowered practicing the love of Jesus. When this type of culture was mixed with my own issues (wounds from the past, such as rejection) the combination was disastrous.
The wounds of the leadership created a need for control, which cultivated the use of fear and manipulation. My wounds of rejection and insecurity wreaked havoc on me. This is a great example of why all Christians, leaders and followers, need to allow God to heal us.
Please understand that God will allow us to experience situations that will bring our wounds to the surface so He can heal us. That is His purpose. The enemy, however, wants to use the same situations to open old wounds, to inhibit you and wound you further. His purpose it to shut you down or, better yet, use you to hurt others.
One time, in this environment, a special group received rings. Now I know that Jesus had his three (Peter, James and John) and then the twelve disciples. There are those that are in an “inner circle” in ministries and non-ministries alike. That is expected. But this was different. When the special group got these rings, it was done in a way to belittle those who didn’t receive one. James is clear that favoritism is a sin. Sadly, favoritism was well practiced.
At the time singer, performer Beyonce Knowles had a hit song, “Put A Ring On It.” Now don’t judge me, it was played on the radio all the time. When the “church rings” were being flashed around by the select few, I could not help but hear this song in my head. The song does have to do with a romantic relationship but the title and the chorus were stuck in my head. Go ahead, call me strange, I can take it!
A few weeks later, a friend I had not seen in quite awhile gave me a gift. She said that she felt God told her to give me a birds nest ring. She admitted it seemed like a strange thing to give someone, but she obeyed God. The scripture that she included with the gift was Matthew 6:26:
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
How powerful is that?! When I was feeling the twinge of rejection and sarcastically sang a song in my head, God Himself “put a ring on it.” Maybe this sounds silly to you, but to me it spoke volumes.
Whatever you went through, whether it was their fault, your fault or simply a collision of wounded people, God sees the desires of your heart. He wants you to know that you are valuable to Him, regardless of how others treat you.
I pray that you can believe you are valued. Let God “put a ring on it.” After all, even if you are lying in a heap of dry bones, as a believer in Jesus, you are still a part of the Bride of Christ!
For One,
Lisa
P.S. If God impresses upon you to give something or say something to someone, pray for confirmation and then do it! By my friend stepping out in faith, I was deeply encouraged that I really mattered to God.
I always wondered how Joseph did it. I was under the impression that God blessed him because he was such a God honoring man. Sermon after sermon led me to believe that Joseph entrusted himself to God, in good times and hard times, without any ill feelings about his circumstances. I often asked, “When did Joseph really forgive his brothers?” Was it immediately when he was thrown into the pit or when life was good in the palace? Doesn’t it seem much easier to forgive when life seems to turn out better than you could expect?
In reading Genesis 37-50, for myself (which I encourage you to do) I believe it proves that Joseph was deeply troubled by what happened to him at the hands of his own brothers. Yes, he did entrust himself to God throughout his life, but that does not mean he did not suffer in his heart from the experience. I would bet that Joseph was brokenhearted.
During the seven year period of great harvest in Egypt, Joseph had two sons. The first born was named Manasseh. He said it was because God made him forget all of his troubles and all of his father’s household. But did He? I believe Joseph, in this land of abundance was trying to forget. I believe he was doing what many of us do. We try to move on from hurt and pain. If we ignore it, maybe it will go away. If we try and forget and “stuff” the wound way down deep we can move on. The fact is if we don’t deal with our wounds, our wounds will deal with us. Many of us suffered our church/ministry wound because those who hurt us failed to deal with their wounds. Thus, hurting people hurt people. Let’s not perpetuate the cycle.
When Joseph’s second son was born, he was named Ephraim. It means, God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering. The growth in Joseph during this time is what jumped out at me. Joseph had not forgotten that he had suffered. He recognizes that even though he was brokenhearted and mistreated by his brothers, God had made him fruitful. It is so important to allow God to deal with our pain. Whether it was unfair treatment or a misunderstanding, we must challenge ourselves to allow God to work in us and through us in our suffering. Only then can we be truly fruitful for the glory of God.
Forgiveness can be a long process depending on the depth of the hurt. We should begin the process immediately to avoid bitterness and resentment. But don’t believe that if you are determined to forgive that your pain will leave quickly. It may and it may not. When it doesn’t the enemy will use that to torment you with guilt, condemnation or with a root of bitterness.
Joseph gives us another view into his heart when the famine comes and his brothers come to Egypt. In Genesis 45:2 it says that after he let himself be known to his brothers he wept loud enough for those not in the room to hear him. That is a heart in anguish. He knows in his head that God had brought him to Egypt. Throughout Genesis 45 through Genesis 50 he sees that God had a plan all along, but the awareness of that plan did not protect his heart from pain.
At the end of Joseph’s father’s life, he gives the Jewish blessing to Manasseh and Ephraim. It was customary that Manasseh would receive the blessing of the firstborn, however Jacob gave Ephraim the greater blessing. Could this be that God is saying it is a greater blessing to you and to others to allow God to heal your wounds so that you can be fruitful in your suffering?
Won’t you consider being fruitful instead of forgetful. Forgetting the pain is not dealing with it. Will you consider sharing with God your church/ministry wound? If you haven’t already, begin the process of forgiveness. Make the decision to choose to forgive even if you don’t feel it yet? Allow Him to heal that area in your life so you can become a source of hope, like Joseph, for others.
“I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.” ~ Ezekiel 34:16
God has a lot to say about shepherds (pastors or ministry leaders) who focus more on themselves than their “flock”. The danger is that sheep can get scattered and left vulnerable to enemy attacks. Peter also warns us about enemy attacks in 1 Peter 5:8. I talk about the real enemy here.
If you are suffering from church or ministry wounds you may doubt that God is even paying attention to you. If you were wounded in what appears to be a “successful” ministry and one that seems to be “blessed” then you are really feeling alone. The good news is that God sees. He is all knowing. Not only is He aware of the good that HE is doing, He is well aware of your wounding. God will ask leaders about those that were entrusted to their care. All of them. The blessed and the wounded.
What comforted me even more than knowing God would deal with hurtful leaders, is that God will come looking for the scattered sheep. You mean THAT much to God that He will come for you. The question is, will you respond to Him?
In Luke 15:4 Jesus shares a parable about a shepherd who leaves the 99 sheep to go after the one who was lost. Many people believe He is going after a “lost soul.” We know that is true but, what if it also means that He is going after a member of the flock that was scattered?
Ezekiel 34 reveals that you matter to God. God will bind up your injured (crushed) spirit. He will strengthen you in your weakness. God is just and He will handle you with care. He will give those who hurt you a chance to repent (He is merciful don’t forget) and if they choose not to, He will deal with them.
Lisa Shea 